Spooky fact: there is at least one living skeleton in your house right now and it is VERY close. GET OUT OF THERE
I SAID RUN NOT HAVE SEX WITH IT
i did NOT have sexual relations with that skeleton
cute things to call your girlfriend:
6. 1 tbs of butter
7. stir thoroughly
8. pour into baking pan
9. we forgot to preheat the oven to 375
why would we have to preheat her if she’s already hot
you smooth fucker
babe can i show you my d*ck
Nothing I expected but everything I wanted
Some are dark skinned
Some are light skinned
Some are big and some are small
Some look ‘complete’ and other might not be quite there
But no matter what
If you put them together
And blend them up
They taste pretty darn good
I’m getting you professional help.
GUYS I JUST REALIZED WHY PAPER BEATS ROCK OH MY GOD
PAPER SYMBOLIZES WORDS WHICH SYMBOLIZES BRAINS
AND ROCK SYMBOLIZES BRAWN.
BRAINS OVER BRAWN.
MIND OVER MATTER.
PAPER OVER ROCK.
You clever little shit.
then what the fuck does scissors mean
I DROPPED MY CUP OF TEA AND IT WENT EVERYWHERE OH GOD I CAN HEAR THE QUEEN COMING TO MY HOUSE TO DEPORT ME FROM ENGLAND ALREADY
when they mess up your order but end up giving you extra food for free
"My boyfriend/girlfriend won’t let me"
What was that?
How lovely congratulations on your 3rd parental guardian”
But seriously if your partner won’t let you do something (eg, hang out with your friends)? That’s actually a GIANT RED FLAG for an abusive relationship, please get help or get out of there.